Melancholy?

I'm a generally happy person. So, in turn, I thrive on other people's happiness. (In a totally non-creepy/non-soulsucking kind of way.) But, for some reason, seeing other people happily in a relationship bothers me on some level. I don't know why. I love seeing other people happy. I love knowing my friends and family are happy, but when they're in a relationship, I just don't know how to handle it. It bothers me. I know it doesn't make any sense. I know it seems sort of asshole and all, but it just does. I don't know if I'm jealous or what. Maybe it's because I feel like if they love someone else so much, they'll love me less. God, I sound like such a conceited bitch. It's just how I feel, though.

I mean, when people talk to me about who they're with, I don't know what to say. God knows, I don't have any relationship experience whatsoever, which isn't exactly my choice...but...I don't know. I just wish I could handle it better. I'm happy for...Ahh, we all know I'm talking about Squall/my Mom. I'm happy for them, I love knowing that they're happy, but...I just have some sort of internal problem with it. I even have a certain hatred for random couples on the street. When I see couples in the hallway sucking face, it bothers me in more than a "you're in my way" sort of way. When that creepy guy from my swim team and his girlfriend kiss cutely in the cafeteria, all I can feel is grossed out. I just...I don't know. Maybe it's some jealousy and hurt internalized or something, I don't know. I just wish I wouldn't feel hate in the face of love. It sucks. -me