Mood: Apathetic

My life is spiraling downward...

Just kidding.

I am sorta pissy, though. Mostly because despite the super fun I had on vacation (we stayed in a cabin in Tennessee and met Dan's family, who are all quite nice, actually), I'm in a bad mood now. Mostly due to the fact that Dan can be a super duper asshole when he has a few beers. Or no beers. Plus Mom and Dan have sex talk all the time, which totally makes me want to spew, and how I'm reading Ellen Hopkins' new book "Tricks", which is depressing, and because I've gotten no work done over break, and I have to go back to school the day after tomorrow. AND because I'm in desperate need of a Texasy BFF, and although Jess (super sweet lesbian senior) is super nice to me all the time, I only see her when we go to swim team, and we're in different lanes, so we don't get to talk every day. I have her number, but I don't want to seem like a creeper or something, because I'm not... And plus, she graduates this year, and besides Amanda, she's the only one who knows I like girls in the first place, and I certainly can't talk to Amanda about girls...I'm babbling now.

But seriously, even thought Squall is forever my bestie, she has a Beaufort BFF... And I need someone to call in the middle of the night when I feel like shit, someone who's house I can sleep over at and talk about how I wish I could get a girlfriend, and she could give me shitty dating tips or whatever. Apparently, her Mom is an asshole or whatever, and I told her that if she needs a place to escape, my door is always open, but who knows if she's ever going to except that offer...

Just a bit of a rant on how crappy my life seems. Sorry. Reading sad books does this to me. Plus, I inherited a bit of Mom's depression, so sometimes I feel like utter shit. It gets better, usually. Not much I can do about it. So not into the pills, they screw you up big time.

I'm really happy Dan is leaving tomorrow. Is that mean? He's gone for, like, a year for a job (he builds things) in West Virginia, so we pretty much never see him, which is totally fine with me. P.S. For all his and Mom's bellyaching about his cat allergy, he's been fine, and Mittens has been all over this house. I think he's full of shit, actually. Sorry for the cursing, I know I rarely do, but I'm just in an icky mood. Sorry I'm not more happy-making. I'll post again when I'm in a better mood.

I love you guys. Thanks for sticking with me throughout all my crap. I'll try to (happy) post more often. Hope to hear from you! (Figuratively, of course.) Ciao for now! -gracie