Out of Ideas

Oy! You guys, it's been forever, I know. Okay, quick recap before the internet shuts off.

1. I'm roommate-less! My lovely, lovely roommate had to go away for a while, and I'm terribly lonely. Sad, sad, sad.
2. I don't know why, because I'm confident I'll do well on all but math (and even then I'll probably get something like a C, which isn't terrible), exams (which start Friday) are totally stressing me out!
3. I'm getting my license SO soon!
4. I'm ridiculously desperate for a makeout sesh. (Which is silly and horribly teenaged, but I digress...)
Anyway, right now the wind is making scary noises outside my window as per usual, and I'm shivering...XP However, I'm wearing my favorite t-shirt, which makes it better.
So, lately I've been thinking about a ton of different stuff, and I wrote this long ass list, which I might as well post here because it's cool. A lot of it is just transitional thoughts, but the two major things I've been considering are doing more research into the Muslim faith, and living it for a week or more (even though I was just confirmed into the Episcopalian faith on Monday), and altering/abandoning my gender. It's not that I feel less, or different, I'm just tired of traditional gender roles and the stereotypes they impose upon women, especially for me as a lesbian. So, maybe I'll be genderless for a while. I'm tired of being "a girl". I want to be ME! So, on to the list.
What if I cut off all of my hair? (Actually did that.)
What if I lived Islam for a week? A month? A year?
What if I started to dress really androgynously? (Getting to that. Need a binder.)
What if I dyed my hair red? (Or blue or purple or green...)
What if I only wore skirts and dresses?
What if I got a lot of tattoos?
What if I pierced my lip? My nose? My eyebrow? (DO WANT)
What if I went to college in another country?
What if I stopped speaking for a day? A week? A month? Could I even do that?
What if I only talked in rhyme?
What if I only talked in sonnets?
What if I only talked in iambic pentameter?
What if I painted my walls pink? Black? Orange?
What if I gave up something for lent? What if that something was chocolate? Or music? Or TV?
What if I stopped cursing for a month? A year? Could I do that?
What if I decided to be nice to everyone all the time, and not say anything bad about anyone? How long could I keep that up? (I really want to do this, actually.)
What if I dropped out of school?
What if I majored in art?
What if I majored in English? (I really want to but I can't reconcile that with how much I love science and my fear of not making anything of myself.)
What if I end up hating my major? My job? My life?
What if I dated a boy?
What if I had sex with a boy?
What if I looked online for a girlfriend at OK Cupid? (Did that. It's fun! But also strange and I'm not sure that I like it.)
What if I dated an FTM?
What if I started to examine my privilege?
What if I became a really intense feminist.
What if I examined my priorities and discovered that I want something out of life that I'm just not getting?
What if I stopped eating meat?
What if I started going to bed at ten?
What if I stopped caring about the way I look?
What if I told off my parents for calling me fat? (Have done it- they don't really care what I say. *sigh*)
What if I started working out every day? (Kind of planning on it. At least a few times a week. I've discovered that I actually like it.)
What if I rollerbladed everywhere?
What if I became a figure skater?
What if I took dance or gymnastics back up? (A friend and I might take dance classes together next semester!)
What if I swam every day again?
What if I started eating salads? (Doing it! Balsamic vinaigrette is my friend.)
What if I stopped eating artificial foods? (Want to so much! If I had the money!)
What if I only ate fruits and vegetables and legumes and nuts?
What if I talked to my family more often? (Talked to Mom and Dad today.)
What if I came out to the rest of my family? (Thought about that on Monday when my Aunt and Uncle were here for my confirmation.)
What if I worked on my public speaking skills?
What if I worked on my confrontation/talking to strangers skills? (Trying to.)
What if I gave up on fear?
What if I questioned everything?

Oh, that's right. The other thing I've been thinking seriously on is cutting off all of my hair. Doing Locks of Love again. I don't know if I could work short hair, though. I couldn't when I was a kid, but my face is a bit different now, I think...Maybe.... (Did it. Love it. It's awesome.)
Anyway, I just wanted to share that, maybe get some thoughts. Do you have any what ifs? Hope you all are having a good December. Good luck on your exams, for those taking them. Love to all of you! The best,
Grace.