Day Of Silence

Usually, I think of the Day of Silence as an act of solidarity, but one that I am participating in, not one that I'm living. Today, I decided to try to be as authentic in my silence as possible. By this I mean:

Writing notes to get my point across is cheating. This is because the people truly affected by this may not have any friends to communicate with. Theirs is a forced, frightened silence that does not have exceptions. The fact that there are others, many others, my friends, doing this with me also makes it easier. And it shouldn't be easy.

I kept telling myself this morning; It's only one day. For me, yes. But for them, it's forever, or at least it seems that way. It isn't fair for me to write notes and mouth words and smile and walk with my friends because they don't get to do that. There's no one for them to do it with. That's why we have this day in the first place. To learn, to understand what the silence must be like. But I, like I'm sure many do, have cheated in the past. But this year, I'm trying very hard to act as though I am so afraid that someone will find out my secret that I feel I can say nothing at all.

I have been very fortunate in that I have never really had to experience that fear. And I apologize if I misconstrue the feeling and the spirit of the silence. I'm just trying to understand better what some people who aren't as lucky as I have been have to go through every day.

I've often treated this as a happy occasion, but honestly, it's not. It's a sad, solemn day for reflection. I'm doing my best today to understand what that means.

-Grace